matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
