Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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