Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
