remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
