were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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