you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
