ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
