Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Never underestimate the power of titties
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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