im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
