according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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