clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
