I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize