my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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