If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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