I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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