Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
