come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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