Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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