it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize