he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
