How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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