Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
