I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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