its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
