He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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