Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
