I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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