I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
