consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
