I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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