We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize