dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
