What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize