what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize