cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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