Please, let me fuck your mom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
