They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
