did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
