I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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