I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
