dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize