The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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