Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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