some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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