Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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