do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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