I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
