How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
