i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
