You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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