This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
