I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
