Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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