Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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