I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
