i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
