thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
