He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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