what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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