His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
