You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
