how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
