If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My life is pants optional.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
