Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
