I wish life had little blips of pornography
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
