Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
