Got a toothbrush?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
