I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
