HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
